Keeping your cool as a GCSE parent
Ben West is an inspiring mental health campaigner. Having lost his brother to suicide 4 years ago, Ben is dedicated to changing the way we view mental health in our society. At just 21 years old, Ben has been awarded The Diana Award, a Pride of Britain Award and the Mental Health Hero Award for the work he has done to raise awareness and evolve the conversation around mental health. His current focus is developing the way in which universities take responsibility for the welfare of their students and campaigning for teachers to receive mandatory mental health training.
Recently, he spoke to Tassomai about how parents can maintain a healthy perspective throughout their child’s GCSE years.
GCSEs are a really tough period for young people. I hated them, most people I know hated them, but now I hardly ever think about them. I think it’s time we broke down some of the myths surrounding GCSEs that are often perpetuated by both schools and concerned parents, and that starts with remembering that they aren’t the defining statistics of your entire life.
It’s no wonder that more and more young people are struggling with their mental health during their GCSE years; they are under more pressure than they’ve ever experienced before and it’s probably one of their first encounters with stress. People who are already struggling with any other aspect of their life, be that with their family, friends, with illness or financial worries, find the struggle even harder. If a young person has pre-existing issues with their mental health or any other struggle that affects them day to day, the added pressure of GCSEs can be a recipe for disaster. Understandably, this must be very scary for parents looking in on their child’s life.
Ben West is a contributor to Tassomai’s GCSE Survival Guide, a free 28 page handbook, full of practical tips and expert advice to help families navigate their way through GCSEs. Download your copy of the GCSE Survival Guide here.
Keeping perspective
The issue with the GCSE years is that the biggest pressure that is pushed on you is one that doesn’t really exist. Students are bombarded with the idea that if they fail their GCSEs then the rest of their life will be a downward spiral and they will have ruined their chances before even starting to think about a career. This simply isn’t the case, and I think it is incredibly important to maintain perspective.
That isn’t to say that GCSEs aren’t important, but treating a bad result like it’s the end of the world is unhealthy in any setting. The knowledge that, in all probability, by the time you’ve left school very few people will ever even ask what results you got, can be a great comfort. The pressure of thinking one or two years of school are going to determine your entire life… that’s just too much to put on a young person.
Managing your own expectations
Now, I realise I’m not a parent but, from a student’s perspective, I think the best thing parents can do is rationalise their instinct to see their child succeed. Of course all parents want the best for their children, but there should be a balance between treating these school years with the healthy respect that education deserves and simply making yourself or your child ill with stress. Try to think about the bigger picture - this is obviously easier said than done, but it would have helped me to be reminded as a teenager.
Parents are told repeatedly that exams and grades are the most meaningful things that come out of their child’s time at school, when really that couldn’t be further from the truth. Kids these days are being funnelled through a system of GCSEs, A-levels and university exams when really this route might not be the best choice for them. I personally followed this path, I went to a ‘good university’, and I left - it just wasn’t for me. Having the space to be able to question these decisions with parents is incredibly important, especially when talking about mental health because pushing someone towards something they really don’t want to do often makes them unhappy and causes unnecessary stress.
I wish someone told me when I was 15: “as long as you pass some of them, you’ll be fine” because that’s all you really need to do. Teachers may not love me saying that but in terms of your child’s overall wellbeing, I think it’s a valuable message to keep in mind.
Separating church and state
I think what has become increasingly difficult over the last few years is remembering that home is the escape from school, not school itself. While students do need to revise and complete homework outside of school hours, it is important to recognise that the home space is one of relaxation and recuperation rather than a further classroom.
If it is at all possible in your living situation, and I recognise this is not the case for all families, separate your child’s sleeping space from their working space. If their bedroom is also their place of work, as has been increasingly common during the pandemic, then their body will recognise it as a place of stimulation rather than relaxation and this can disrupt how much rest they get. Looking after yourself physically helps to look after yourself mentally, especially when it comes to being well rested, so allowing space for your child to really relax at home is vital to keeping their well-being in check.
Balance is key
Sometimes not working is the best work you can do. Make sure your child is taking time off when they need it and focusing on other things that make them happy. Nobody should feel guilty for taking time off to preserve their well-being and it is all good practice for establishing a good work/life balance later in their lives.
Obviously I don’t think you should relax all the time and leave work to the last minute - we all know cramming never works. I think it’s just about finding the right balance for each individual and making sure their working practices are sustainable and healthy for them.
A little-and-often approach over a longer period minimises stress and stops students from burning out. Just because you sit down and work for 8 hours doesn’t mean that was the best or most productive use of that 8 hours. When a student isn’t engaging in their work, it’s usually down to stress rather than boredom - the tasks can seem insurmountable. The easiest way to get the best work out of anyone, old or young, is to work smarter, not harder. If you’re working in a good environment and in a way that suits you, then you’re much more likely to learn more and reduce stress.
Stuck in teenage limbo
Students are developing in every aspect of their lives during their GCSEs and there’s more social pressure than they’ve ever experienced before. Everyone knows these years can be awkward, embarrassing, stressful, overwhelming and so much more. It’s good to remember that a lot is changing and it can be hard to remain centred during such a tumultuous time. There’s a ridiculous imbalance at this school age between being told you must take exams that will decide your entire future and… still having to ask permission to use the loo. Being stuck in this state of limbo is incredibly frustrating for students and recognising and talking about this can really help to ease any stress it is causing.
Schools can help
As much as schools can be a source of stress, they also want to help your child as much as they can. Schools and teachers can try to accommodate to help your child if they are struggling, but most people don’t even think to ask them for assistance in the first place. If your child is struggling or particularly anxious around assessments then it’s vital to keep their schools in the loop.
While I’m sure it won’t always be the same for every school, especially during Covid outbreaks, at my school some of my friends were able to sit their exams in a different room from everyone else to help ease their anxiety. I’ve heard similar stories from people at other schools where the teachers have tried to alleviate the intense pressure of exam days in any way they can. It could be anything from being able to use a laptop for assessments to physically sitting in a side room to take their exams - schools will try to help but only if they are told there is a problem. Get in touch with your school and see what they can do to support your child.
The most important thing is that your child knows you have their best interest at heart, so make sure you communicate with them regularly about how they’re coping with their stress levels, rather than making them aware of your own anxieties surrounding their education. There’s enough weighing on their minds without the added pressure of your well intentioned worry. Just remember, as long as they’re happy, it will all work out in the end.
- Ben West (@IamBenWest on twitter)
Click here to read Ben West’s top tips for supporting your child’s mental health during GCSEs.
